Aries: Lately you’ve been grumpier than a badger with a head cold, but Wednesday will turn that snarl upside down to form a slightly smaller frown. You may still be cranky, but at least you look approachable until people get close.
Taurus: The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you’re strangely jubilant. Either your luck is turning up spectacularly this week, or you’ve gotten into Grandpa’s mood gummies again. Either way, you’re in for a good trip.
Gemini: You’re expanding your horizons, but it’s more like a wonky bag of expired popcorn in the microwave than a stunning rollout of reality. Throw on some butter and don’t mind all the weird lumps; it’ll smooth out in the end.
Cancer: Sometimes life is like a box of chocolates: kinda smushed and half-price in the Valentine’s clearance bin. Grab that box anyway; sometimes the best things are imperfect, irregular and gorgeously odd but oh-so-tasty.
Leo: Wednesday gives you the choice of the right way, the wrong way, and your way, and Karma is taking bets on which way you’ll go. Show them all by doing something unexpected, but not before placing a quiet wager on yourself to win.
Virgo: Worry is like snapped elastic in your best undies: It zings you in the privates when you least expect it. Fight back by going full commando, without a care in the world. Sure, you may show your rear occasionally, but that just gives your friends more to talk about.
Libra: On Tuesday, you’re irresistible in all the right ways for all the wrong reasons. Destiny may be trying to teach you a lesson in this morality play, but that just means you’re the star of the show. Work it, diva!
Scorpio: Why march to someone else’s drum? You’re more likely to skip down the path with a kazoo in your mouth and cymbals strapped to your knees. Up the ante on Monday with an accordion and you’ll clear out the line at the DMV instantly.
Sagittarius: For the next few days, opportunities will swarm around you like mosquitoes in July. Grab the big ones if you’re looking for something amazing, but there’s always bug spray if you want to stay stuck in the status quo.
Capricorn: Carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders may be horrible for your anxiety, but those thighs and calves are looking awesome with the workout. Find a gym buddy; venting will keep you sane while working those existential glutes into top shape.
Aquarius: You don’t want much, just every unreasonable desire granted with a cherry on top. Instead, the Universe blows you a raspberry and offers some sour grapes. Turn that into an impressive wine, and you could score some major points.
Pisces: Still waters run deep, and your imagination is a major thoroughfare for submarines, giant squid and sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads. When people say you’re too quiet, smile and nod, because they have no idea.
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