Scorpio: Yes, the sky’s the limit, but you’re not going to get there anytime soon, no matter how many geese you strap to that hang glider. Turn them all loose and run for your life, because those Canadian geese have a fowl temper and a long memory.
Sagittar ius: Loose lips can sink ships, but the right ones can rock your dinghy. Friday gives you the opportunity to bring someone new aboard; prepare for all hands on deck and some smooth sailing ahead.
C apri corn:
You’re trying to find your place in the Universe, and Google Maps is no help. Do it the old-fashioned way; wander around until you discover a spot where no one hassles you. Bonus points if it has Netflix and cozy slippers.
Aquarius: Excitement awaits you on Wednesday. Show up on time, so it doesn’t spend an hour doing the pee-pee dance and then wetting itself. That will be awkward for both of you, and it’ll get your surprise all damp.
Pisces: Other folks have Main Character Syndrome, but you’re full of Plot Twist Energy. You don’t care if you’re the star, you just love causing chaos. Congrats on a job well done; it’ll be entertaining for everyone.
Aries: You can’t lead a horse to water, but you can definitely sign him up with a TikTok account and make a fortune dispensing bad advice. After he sees the cash rolling in, he’ll demand that pricey designer water come to him. Ta-da, you’re rich and he’s hydrated.
Taurus: Of course you’re looking for love in all the wrong places. Love is like an over-caffeinated raccoon: It’s best to discover it outside. If you find it manically chewing the leg of the kitchen table, you have much bigger problems.
Gemini: It is the thought that counts, but the 247th thought you have on Thursday is the one that will get you into trouble. Just float through your day with a completely blank mind; you’ll receive compliments on your conversational skills all day.
Cancer: Some people stumble into their fortune, but you do it with a triple somersault, jazz hands and half of the Macarena. With moves like that, you should consider breakdancing in the next Olympics or becoming a rodeo clown.
Leo: Do what you need to do on Wednesday, while the boss doesn’t have a clue. If he gets suspicious, just tell him that you were inspired by him to turn positive action into corporate synergy and boost the throughput to the bottom line. If he’s confused enough, it could mean a raise.
Virgo: Love is in the air this week, and so are your allergies. Tell your sweetie that you can either smooch or breathe; you’ll know they’re the right one if they bring your inhaler to bed.
Libra: The people you admire have unseen depths to their personality; meanwhile, yours is a puddle that couldn’t conceal a Lego brick. Stretch those brain cells with some Jeopardy reruns and soon you’ll make a splash.
