Libra: Your idea of training a flock of attack hummingbirds sounds good, but how will you plant all those flowers in your enemies’ pockets? Try something spicier to get revenge, like signing them up with a lifetime subscription for Great Grannies in Negligees Monthly.

Scorpio: People will ask you a lot of weird things on Monday, like “Are you conscious?” and “How did you get the riding lawn mower up in that tree?” They don’t understand your dedication to a new business idea, but thankfully they do know to call 911.

Sagittar ius: What looks like a giant boulder in your path is really just a pebble in your shoe. Don’t dress up like Indiana Jones and run in front of it, otherwise it could chase you.

Capricorn: In every life a little rain must fall, but you’re getting cats, dogs and the occasional fluffy cow. Rescue them all and start a pet cuddling business. Everyone wins, especially your wallet and your karma.

Aquarius: Five trained monkeys couldn’t mess up your life any better, but an ill-tempered hippopotamus could. You’ll meet it on Tuesday, and fall instantly in love. Good luck, and upgrade your insurance.

Pisces: You manifest what you focus on, so quit staring down your problems like they insulted you in a bar. Keep your eyes on the prize while you kick their collective butts, and you’ll walk out scot-free.

Aries: Beware of a close call on Friday. You won’t buy the farm, but you’ll definitely purchase a goat or two. Next time, don’t try the latest TikTok dance in front of an enraged flock of chickens and a rooster who has nothing to lose.

Taurus: Something special pops up, but it’s not what you hoped for. Speak clearly when asking the Universe for a bag of money, otherwise you’ll receive a satchel stuffed with honeycomb. Still, you can turn it around for a nice profit at the farmer’s market.

Gemini: Just your luck, you set your hopes and dreams on Karma’s porch, and It stomped them like a flaming bag of doggie poo. Find a better way to gain the favor of the Cosmos, like apologizing for those really tacky outfits in your closet.

Cancer: A lucky break comes your way on Wednesday, and for once it’s not that toe you keep stubbing on the edge of the couch. Wear comfy shoes with good tread — to protect your feet and to sprint away with your good fortune.

Leo: Everyone wants a piece of you, but you don’t have that many chunks to spare. Whenever someone demands your attention, give them a ball of Play-Doh instead. They can pummel that with ridiculous questions, and your patience gets some much-needed recovery time.

Virgo: Lately your love life is like a T-Rex putting on a raincoat: You know what to do, but you don’t have the reach to make the fiddly bits work. Read a few books, do some stretches, and soon your sweetie will roar with delight.