Sagittarius: Life would be smooth sailing if you knew how to get the boat in the water. Don’t worry about it, just strap on some roller skates, grab a sheet and wait for a good wind. You’ll be cruising at top speeds in no time.
Capricor n: You may not have all the answers, but the questions you’ve thought up are fascinating. Sow chaos and destruction this week by posting them on your Facebook page; after that, you can just sit back and watch the show.
Aquar ius: A lucky break is looking for you, but you keep hiding from it whenever it comes around. Quit being a twerp and go out so good fortune can find you. Otherwise it will hire Big Vinny to seek you out.
Pisc es: Not only do you get your groove back this week, it brings friends and the weirdest music. Break out those Japanese country disco moves, because everything is dancing your way.
Aries: Your wildest dreams come true this week, including the one about the basket of kumquats, three squirrels wearing jumpsuits and a tiny diorama of 1970s Los Angeles. Film it all, and start a YouTube channel immediately.
Ta urus: No one expects you to succeed, which makes it more satisfying when you do. Spend your Saturday knocking on relatives’ doors and showing off your new diploma from Extreme Clown University. That’ll show ’em.
Gemini: You may be the sign of the twins, but sometimes you need to pick a lane and stay with it. Not only will you get what you want sooner, the people behind you in traffic will be far less likely to run you into a giant pothole.
Cancer: On Thursday, you have all the right moves, but they’re set to the wrong music. Throw out that modern crap on your playlist and go for some smooth jazz played by an all-kazoo band. Everyone will definitely clear a path for you the rest of the day.
Leo: Sure, you can let a smile be your umbrella, but your grumpy look can deflect hailstones. Use that face on Tuesday when menacing clouds start forming around your desk; those icy chunks will be bouncing off you and heading straight for the windshields of everyone who crosses you.
Virgo: If you expect an unexpected windfall, it wouldn’t be unexpected, right? Don’t expect anything at all on Monday so you won’t scare it off. Also, try to not squeal excitedly like a 12-yearold girl when it arrives.
Libra : Your sweetie has some strange ideas about togetherness this week, but you need to play along. Who knows, taking a class together on yurt decorating could lead to a whole new career and your own HGTV show.
Scor pio: If it’s difficult to spark joy on Saturday, grab a couple of people who annoy you and knock their rock-hard heads together. It will start that campfire in the back yard and put a smile on your face, so it’s really a win-win. Don’t forget the marshmallows!
