Aquarius: You realize that with enough Super Glue and yarn, you can make thousands of brightly colored yurts for underprivileged parakeets. Go for it: It’ll keep you out of trouble and let your guardian angel finally check into rehab.
Pisces: Usually you can’t make a statement even if life hands you a bucketful of Play Doh. This week, you get the gumption to build something amazing in your life. It’ll be colorful, fun and smell so delicious.
A r i es:
You must be jelly, because jam doesn’t shake like that when it explodes and smacks against the wall. Warn your coworkers on Tuesday to toe the line unless they want to be in the splash zone.
Taurus: When it rains, it pours, but fortunately for you that means a deluge of good luck, unexpected surprises and a few adorable puppy kisses. Not sure who you paid off, but the Universe is coming through for you.
Gemini: Today is the first day of the rest of your life, unless you go ahead with that plan to fit a slinky new thong on a random mountain lion you saw in the woods last week. In that case, today is a great day to update your insurance.
Cancer: Something is moving in the stars for you this week. Best case scenario, it’s a gorgeous and friendly alien who wants your help repopulating a distant utopia. Or it could be a meteor speeding toward your location. Either way, take a shower and step lively.
Leo: You have a strange feeling on Wednesday. Is it indigestion? Some weird flu carried by feral termites? No, just a low-grade case of sunbeams and happiness. Don’t worry; it’ll pass soon enough and you’ll be back to your sarcastic self.
Virgo: A truly amazing business idea strikes you in the middle of the night, so keep a pen and pad handy. Otherwise you’ll never figure out how to turn two tons of dried-out bologna into the latest fashion accessory.
Libra: Thanks to a celestial oopsie, you receive the keys to the Universe on Friday. Feel free to take it for a test drive, just make sure you gas it back up and clear out the Burger King wrappers when Karma comes looking for it.
Scorpio: Beware of men with bears on Saturday. What? Oh, sorry, the Universe sounded a little garbled: It meant beards. Beware of men with beards on Saturday. Look at your dating life, you know why.
Sagittar ius: Most people take the road less traveled for contemplation, but you realize it would make a great four-wheel off-roading trail. Go ahead, rip it up, just install a really loud horn to warn the poets and dreamers out of the way.
Capricorn: Gluing computer keys on your clothes and asking people to type out their life stories may be great for parties but it will get you arrested at the mall. Try something a little less hands-on to meet new people, like a random game of Twister.