Sagittarius: A fantastic opportunity leaps into your arms on Thursday. Treat it well and use it immediately; it’ll call Luck, Fortune and Fun to your place for an incredible house party that you’ll never forget.
Capricorn: Lately, your inspiration has been like a herd of fainting goats: Sneeze too loud and it falls over. Prepare to get your mental groove back on Saturday. Your ideas will be cute and can stand on their own.
Aquarius: Go ahead, do the weird thing. No one asked you to wrap yourself in Holly Hobbie wallpaper and dance in the store window, but your bizarreness makes everyone forget their problems for a while. That’s a great gift, and it’s even more entertaining when the cops show up.
Pisces: There’s nothing to fear but fear itself, but that’s rather scary if you’re already afraid. Tell those internal boogeymen to hit the road; you can be shaking in your boots and patting yourself on the back at the same time.
Aries: There’s a spring in your step and a crackle in your hair on Monday. You really should call an electrician about that bare lamp wire in the living room; one more trip on it and you’ll forget seventh-grade math.
Taurus: Give credit where credit’s due, but not even your Extra Plutonium Visa with dancing holograms and spinning rims can get you out of the mess you’ve made. Time to roll up your sleeves and do things the hard way.
Gemini: You haven’t got a care in the world this week, which is odd; you should have at least one and a half. Check your pockets for holes if you can be bothered to do so. Otherwise, enjoy the bliss until the inevitable anxiety catches you.
Cancer: When Wednesday tells you everything’s fine, don’t believe it. You did something, and you should make it right before she gossips with every other day in the week. Step up with roses and some fancy talking before the whole month hears about it.
Leo: Putting one foot in front of the other isn’t getting you where you want to go. You could do some fancy footwork, or just kick a few coworkers in the rear; the road to success will clear right up.
Virgo: Even a dim idea can look bright in the dark. If you’re out of brilliant suggestions, turn the lights out; after people are tired of bumping into furniture, they’ll agree to your plan.
Libra: Your cheeks are rosy, you’re lightheaded and it’s hard to breathe. You’re newly in love, or you’ve caught a cold again. Either way, stay in bed for a few days and you’ll feel better.
Scorpio: It’s fine to say you have scruples, but it’s like a bad case of foot fungus: no one wants to see the photos, they just want to know everything’s OK. Keep your selfies hidden and let your work speak for itself.
