Sagittar ius: People say the best things in life are free, but have they ever splurged on the heavy-duty, name-brand aluminum foil? Laugh at them as you bake your turkey, and also create one heck of a tinfoil hat.

Capricorn: Tothineownself be true, but to everyone else, speak in 1980s television catchphrases this week. Announcing the new workplace rules “by the power of Greyskull” gives it more gravitas, anyway.

A q u arius: After Thanksgiving, you’re like a wild vacuum cleaner in a Skittles factory: overstuffed and making some very strange noises. Unplug from family drama, relax, and avoid that weird cousin who keeps asking you to hang out in the garage to “taste the rainbow.”

Pisces: You experience a dream that explains life, the universe and everything, then the cat wakes you up by walking on your face and it’s all gone. Don’t panic; you’ll experience that great feeling again after a few more tries. Like, 42 or so.

Aries: On Tuesday, you’ll finally hit your groove. Unfortunately, you were aiming for a parking spot, so scoop up that groove and replant it in the backyard. It’ll bloom again in a few months.

Taurus: You have a tarnished reputation and your karma looks kinda rusty, too. Grab some selfworth, apply it with a generous amount of elbow grease, and the energy you reflect will be so bright, it’ll impress everyone you meet. It’ll also attract moths, so there’s that.

Gemini: Yes, your failed ‘American Idol’ audition ended up online, but through a bizarre accident featuring a bored park ranger and good wi-fi, you’re now the top-ranked moose caller in certain regions of Canada. Start packing, because an exciting new career awaits you!

Cancer: Life has kept you on the move. For every step forward, it’s one step back and three sideways. Keep it interesting by throwing a few zigzags in there. Eventually you’ll start a brand new dance craze.

Leo: It’s not that you invite chaos, it just always seems to follow you wherever you go. Check your backpack for Air Tags; someone may be sending pandemonium after you like a dog after a squirrel. Keep a few treats in your pocket for distraction purposes.

Virgo: You know that thing you’re planning on doing? Think twice about doing it. Don’t give us that look; you know why. Keep it up and the Universe will come around with that paddle from your old principal’s office from back in the day.

Libra: Some may walk in beauty like the night, but you’re stumbling around like a drunken sailor at 6:30 a.m. Go ahead, be your weird, uncoordinated self. You’re far more entertaining than Byron; Mary Shelley invented science fiction to get away from him, so you’re doing just fine.

Scorpio: This week, you trip into a patch of good luck, slip on a wet spot of sizable fortune and finally flop down in the soft grass of new friendship. Being accident-prone is the best thing that’s happened to you all year.