Sagittarius: You have a sudden burst of energy on Friday; you can clean your house, or use that power to catalog every type of pasta sold within a 50-mile radius. At the end of the day, just follow the long rotini home.
Capricor n: You can know what you want or know how to get it, but you haven’t nailed down doing both at once. Sidle up to your goal and then yell “Surprise!” It should just fall over into your arms after that.
Aquar ius: Nothing requires you to be the biggest, baddest or the best. However, if you’re the sneakiest, you can get all of those things. Use your superpower to score some points with the boss, and the desk next to the coffee pot could be yours.
Pisc es: You’re so used to expecting rain, you never enjoy the sunny days. Put away the rain boots and just relax in the sunshine for a while. Keep the umbrella handy, though; it’s good for smacking people who block your rays.
Aries: You’re tired of spinning your wheels, but that’s no reason to set your car on fire. Grab a shovel and find some gravel; the roads in life usually need grit along with determination, Google Maps and a bag of M&Ms.
Ta urus: It feels like you’re splashing around in a bottomless pit, but you’re just doing the backstroke in a mud puddle. Stand up; not only will life look better, you’ll quit being a nuisance in the office parking lot.
Gemini: On Wednesday, you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, and maybe even the wrong continent. That’s what you get for trusting an airline run by rabid weasels. Thumb a ride with a pack of Canadian geese; they may be vicious, but at least they know where they’re going.
Cancer: Someone does a good deed for you on Monday. Before you fall over in shock, remember to say ‘thank you,’ and maybe even make them your famous secret ingredient brownies. They’ll be even more helpful and occasionally blissed out after that.
Leo: The clouds part, the sun shines, and you have a wonderful day on Sunday. Everything will go your way, so quit waiting for the other shoe to drop. That will happen on Tuesday, when an entire Foot Locker descends on you.
Virgo: Christmas is in the air, and you’re waiting outside with a BB gun to shoot it down. Be careful, Santa returns fire and he’s got a building full of elves who’ve been watching way too many Terminator movies.
Libra : In a world full of tiny, delicate hats, you are a battery- powered sombrero, complete with fairy lights and a fan. That fan’s name is Doris, by the way. Don’t worry, she’s just as weird as you are.
Scor pio: Forget about a rock and a hard place, you’re stuck between couch cushions and there’s a massive tushie about to sit down on you. Yell for help before it’s too late, unless you’re into that sort of thing.
