Sagittar ius: It’s great for your health to have a good belly laugh every day. If you need something funny, call your relatives and ask them about the latest conspiracy theory they’re studying. The National Enquirer has nothing on the wild notions of your Aunt Edna after she’s had her edible.
Capricor n: If life is passing you by, it probably has better track shoes and a vitamin regimen. Start working out those creaky muscles, and you’ll soon be sprinting past those bad days, and thumbing your nose at them for good measure.
Aquar ius: If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands, especially if you’re holding a water balloon behind your scowling mother-in-law. Feel free to laugh hysterically while you’re running away.
Pisc es: You don’t have to meet your fears head on; send them a text instead. Even better, bury them with constant memes of sarcastic cats and cute pandas. They’ll give up after a few days and leave you in peace.
Aries: Congratulations, not everyone can pull off that look. Somehow you make plaid bell bottom jeans, feathered boas and Dora the Explorer flip flops work. Forget about the complaints from your boss. Who can be bothered with common sense when you’re a fashion icon?
Ta urus: It’s OK, pick yourself up. Sometimes the journey of a thousand miles starts with an unintentional pratfall down the stairs and landing face first in a coconut cream pie. At least your mistake was entertaining and delicious.
Gemini: Laugh and the world laughs with you, but keep laughing for too long and you’ll get kicked out of the midnight screening of “Oppenheimer.” That’s what you get for trying out feathered underwear when you’re ticklish.
Cancer: You’re looking for a bright spot in life; this Tuesday at 11:27 a.m. you’ll find it. Enjoy the sunny side for a few minutes, because your boss is bringing storm clouds your way the rest of the week.
Leo: Your new hobby of juggling anti-social wolverines is definitely more relaxing than the office right now, but you’re spending a lot on Band-Aids and disinfectant. Let the pack of bitey things loose and try something calmer, like loudly singing show tunes in a cowboy bar.
Virgo: On Thursday, a mustachioed man hands you a package. Good news if he’s with UPS, bad news if he laughs and runs away while the box is ticking. You may have landed in a Bullwinkle cartoon; check for any talking squirrels nearby.
Libra : You can see what you want, but it’s just out of reach. Grab a golf club and knock it off the top shelf. As long as it’s not a priceless antique vase or a tickedoff raccoon, you should be OK.
Scor pio: It’s fine to know your weaknesses, but you don’t have to treat them to dinner and a night out at the club. Tell them you’ll friend them on Facebook and then go your own way; they’ll find plenty of people to argue with online without bothering you.
